Remembrance
by SexyScottishDoc
Summary: Teyla is left with a void in her existance.  [CarsonTeyla]


Title: Remembrance

Series: Stargate: Atlantis

Rating: T+

Genre: RomancePairing: Carson/Teyla

Summary: True love never fades from this plane of reality.

Author's Note: Inspired by the song "Remember" by Josh Groban. It's a very powerful song and I immediately thought of this pairing when I heard the song. It's been a while since I wrote a story, so I hope it's enjoyable.

It was the same dream over and over for the past several weeks. She had gotten no rest. Even Rodney had remarked about the darkness under her eyes. She was mentally and physically exhausted, the loss she felt was tremendous. It felt as if a piece of her very soul had been ripped out of her. She knew that Carson was not physically dead, that he had indeed ascended, but it still hurt nonetheless. She had never had a chance to tell the kind doctor what had transpired since that faithful day on the planet with the Cerians, and now it was too late. Resigned to make an effort achieve slumber, she headed towards her room.

'_Remember  
I will still be here  
As long as you hold me  
In your memory'_

Restlessly she tossed and turned, the covers wrapping around twisting form. She was back inside her dreamscape. Again, as always, _he_ was there. It was always the same; she was following behind him on an empty path. Silently he led on to some unknown destination yet no matter how she tried, she could not catch up to him nor call out to him. She tried with all her might but her voice seemed to be carried away on the winds. 'Come back…. I miss you.' She wanted to tell him, but he could not hear it. Still, she pushed forth all of her effort to reach out to his retreating figure; his retreating figure that was washed aglow in the ethereal incandescent light of the ascended beings. Out of breath, her dream faded into the remembrance of night as she awoke in the early twilight hours.

'Remember 

_When your dreams have ended_

_Time can be transcended_

_Remember me…'_

Teyla sighed as she found herself feeling as if she had gotten no rest at all. She was at the end thread of sanity. Mutely, tears fell down her cheeks as she struggled to encompass all of her emotions and withdrawal into herself. She felt as if a piece of her very soul was missing. True, she loved Carson…but she had never had the chance to really confess her feelings before he was taken from her and from this plain of being. Now she was in despair for she thought she had lost her one and only chance of real happiness. She placed her palm over her growing stomach. No, Carson never fully knew what went on after that ceremony, but Teyla was going to make sure he found out some way or another.

She thought back to when she first encountered the doctor. She felt his bedside manner was very accommodating, and she was attracted immediately. She didn't know if he felt the same of her, but that day they were joined in more than spirit convinced her otherwise. A ghost of a smile appeared on her face as she remembered it. They had needed his assistance with some medicinal herbs, and the natives thought that with how close the two were standing that they were 'together', so the natives took it upon themselves to hold a feast to join the loving couple. All Teyla remembers is waking up in a tent next to Carson, both of them wearing looks of embarrassment on their faces. Neither denied the bond or negated the marriage, so for her that held hope. Wearied, Teyla sought refuge in the silence that permeated Atlantis in the hours just before dawn.

'I am the one star that keeps burning so brightly 

_It is the last light to fade into the rising sun_

_I'm with you whenever you tell my story_

_For I am all I've done'_

Looking beyond the horizon, Teyla remembered how Carson sacrificed his very mortal person to protect Atlantis. Many had been injured or even more seriously wounded when they had all braced for the attack. In her mind, no one deserved more than Carson did. His casualty will never go unnoticed by her. Even now, she held him within her heart, protecting his memory forever inside her. Not only did she have his memory, but also a part of him was now permanently a part of her. How does one recover from the loss of someone so dear to him or her? Not only that, how do they cope with the guilt of keeping silent about their feelings until the very end, denying not only to themselves but also all around them? Teyla let her eyes close, trying so hard to keep the tears at bay. This dream meant something. Carson was trying to tell her something, but what she had no idea of its message. She thanked the ancestors that neither she nor her baby was hurt in the attack.

'Remember, I will still be here 

_As long as you hold me…in your memory_

_Remember me…'_

For Carson, ascension wasn't all it was cracked up to be. People needed him, and he needed to be with them. Yes, he was thankful that the ancients gave him an 'escape death free' card, but now he had matters to attend to. Mainly, he had to resolve things with Teyla, his wife. A huge smile appeared on his face when that thought crossed through his head. They never did get that marriage dissolved from that planet. Looking down over the expedition, he kept an eye on her. He also tried to send her messages through her dreams. He saw how tired and distraught she was. Yes, he decided, Teyla is far more important than being ascended.

'Remember, I will never leave you… 

_If you will only,_

_Remember me…_

_Remember, when your dreams have ended,_

_Time can be transcended_

_I live forever_

_Remember me….'_

Teyla lay in her bed facing the window, attempting to achieve rest. Out of the corner of her eye she caught this residual glow. She looked over to where it was emanating from only to see the fully opaque being of Carson Beckett. Teyla blinked a couple of times as if to convince herself that this is true. She leaped out of her bed and ran to him. Wrapping her arms around him, he was her only lifeline at this moment. Teyla let the tears flow freely as the grief she had pent up inside her for the past few months were released. Carson held her close to him and soothed her the best he could, allowing her to let everything out.

"Auch, now why ya be cryin' for? I have returned to ya, permanently this time my love." He whispered.

Teyla raised her eyes up to meet his. "You are not a figment of my imagination then. I was beginning to think I was going crazy."

Carson smiled. "Beautiful yes, crazy no."

"I love you, and wanted to tell you before anything else could possibly happen."

"Then we're on the same page, because I never stopped loving you." He leaned his lips down to meet hers in a brief yet tender kiss.

"Oh, and there is something else that you may wish to know." She started, timidly.

"Really now?" he asked. "Would it have to do with our time spent on that planet where we were married?"

"Yes, how did…?"

"I was ascended, I still watched over everything, love. Including that we never actually dissolved our marriage and we're going to have a child." He beamed joyfully.

Teyla returned his joyfulness. "I am relieved. I have been carrying a burden this entire time."

"And now, we shall carry everything together my love. You are never, ever alone."

The two lain down together, Teyla finally achieving the restful sleep that had eluded her for months.


End file.
